I haven't been posting often lately, mostly because I'm busy. Busy trying to pretend like I don't have PPD. I keep saying I have baby blues, but in all reality I am definitely experiencing post partum (sp?) depression. I don't want to do anything about it because I don't feel unattached from Risto... totally. I more just want to cuddle him, nurse him and nap with him, but if I'm being honest with myself, I'm also kind of ignoring him a bit too.
Don't go calling CPS (which is another reason I'm not doing anything about it, I'm scared someone will take him). He's a very independant little guy. He loves playing and exploring his little world, but sometimes I have a hard time tearing myself from tv or all the blogs I like to read to interact with him. This is hard. I feel like anyone reading this is going to misunderstand and think he's being abused or ignored or left alone, which isn't the case at all. I play with him a lot. We sing and read together. We copy each others faces and take tubs together. We partially co sleep and I hold his hand and hum him worship songs while he nurses.
I'm more just lacking in motivation to get off my tush and do things. My house is a disaster. Dishes are piled high, my bathroom could use a good clean and there is a basket of laundry in the hallway of my one bedroom apartment for about 3 weeks now.
I know I'll figure it out soon. I got some great tips to try and curb this naturally on my own, so hopefully Monday will be a fresh start and I can slowly start to get things back together. In all honesty, I'm not sure I would have had the courage to write this if it weren't for a friend who recently spoke about her own issues with PPD. I wont call her out, but I appreciate (and needed) to hear that I'm not alone in this. I guess that's part of why I'm writing it out here, but I'm hoping no one actually reads this.
That's kind of it
I saw your blog by chance when I was reading a post on the BBC. I make a point of at least looking at each mother's blog (it is there for a reason right?).
ReplyDeleteI have been fighting through the baby blues; the monotony without a routine gets to me every now and again. It doesn't make since how something monotonous could have no pattern. I love my daughter very much but sometimes I wish she would just pick a schedule and stick with it. Wishful thinking I know.
I hope you don't mind; I would like to keep dropping in on your blog. I can't really talk to anyone I know because they would take everything the wrong way. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Good Luck!
Thank you so much, that's so encouraging! You are more then welcome to pop on over here anytime. Good luck to you as well. I take my son out to the mall a few times a week just so I can walk around in a new environment, and that helps break up the week. We live in the NW so warm weather is few and far between. Hope you can find a solid routine with your daughter soon :)
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