Party Of 5

Would it be crazy if I threw myself a party for losing 5 pounds? Cause I wanna!! 5 pounds in two weeks is great, especially considering the only excersize I've managed to squeeze in are a handful of long walks. Eating better has got to be doing this body good and of course the age old rule of thumb; nurse baby.. weight drops.

I also started working again! Just two days a week for four hours in the morning. One of the sweetest little 3 year olds I know! And she's gonna keep me active, I'm sure. I'm excited to take her and Risto to the park and to play at the mall (special request by my new little playmate). It was a lot of fun having her around on Monday and I'm looking forward to hanging out with her tomorrow too.

The final piece to this weight loss puzzle is my darling little boy, who insists on never going to bed before 930, thus keeping me on my toys with silly faces, diaper changes and lifting weights, aka his 14.5 pound body. Daddy is taking a turn entertaining my little turkey so I can write this, so excuse the lack of detail or luster for that matter.

Started spring cleaning today. That's a joke you can look forward to seeing in a future post. I'm really bad at household chores. I love doing them when I feel like, but I hate feeling obligated to do it. UGH

Decisions, Decisions

Anyone who knows me well enough, knows I have a serious obsession with Karen Kinsbury's books. I love the way she writes out beautiful tales of faith, hope and love. God has given her a gift that, unfortunately for me, gets kinda spendy. I'm reading the second book in the Sunrise series called Summer. One of the subjects of the book is going through a hard pregnancy that will undoubtedly end in the death of her child sometime almost immediately after birth.

I've lost a pregnancy. Lost the feeling of what life would be like with a child. I lost a bit of myself in the process, but I also found a part of God I never would have understood without going through that struggle. Almost exactly a year later, I got pregnant with my sweet darling Risto James. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if baby number 1 ever had a chance to live. Would Risto still be here now? Or would he be an after thought still a year or 2 away from existence? Or would I be one of those women who has their children back to back? Risto would be a little brother... a life long friend to what would have been my firstborn.

A few months back God put a desire in my heart. Something I'm not only terribly unqualified to do, but it would also stretch the limits far beyond my comfort zone and cause me to do the one thing that terrifies me. Lead. I've been praying with all my might and I think time is winding down for a decision, this book only serving as a reminder for what He is surely calling me to.

Apart of the reason I'm writing this is to ask anyone who bothers to read these things for prayer. Come alongside me as brothers and sisters serving the same God and ask Him for clarity, strength and courage. The second reason is because I know if I don't announce it, it'll take me longer to finally step out on faith and start the process.

I want to start a support group for women who have lost pregnancies. Aside from Trevor, I really didn't have anyone I could turn to when I lost our first baby. I felt like I was a burden to everyone around me and aside from the fact that I lost my mind for awhile, I know I was quite a lot to deal with.

We're a community of believers for a reason. So we can support each other. Lend a shoulder to cry on at sometimes and at others offer an ear to listen or a gentle tone to remind our spiritual siblings of God's promises for us. This is a big deal for me. It would require me talking about what I went through and admitting something to myself that I'm still not ready to admit. I'm not admitting it here either, but one day soon I'll have to admit it to myself so I can successfully help others.

At the beginning of the year I prayed that God would help me give more of myself. That He would show me where He needs me and that I would follow without hesitation. I'm hesitating a little, but only because I think something like this deserves my whole heart and all of my attention (well as much as I can spare with a baby and husband). Please help support me in this by praying for me.

I'm ready to move for the One I love.

So I Bought A Scale

I wake up every morning singing Eye Of The Tiger. That's how determined I am to lose some weight. I've figured out that losing 2 pounds a week for 8-10 pounds a month (depending on how many weeks, obviously) is a great goal. I also decided that losing 40 pounds would put me at the very lowest weight I can weigh for my height, so I'm pushing for 25-30 pounds instead. I have 6 pairs of six 10 jeans I'm dying to get back into (not to mention all of my pants, skirts and shorts!).

We've been eating a lot more fresh veggies, whole grains... I even made brown rice with dinner (which was amazing btw). Trevor went with Risto and I on a nice long walk in this warm weather we had today. My workouts are going ok, I'm doing what I can when I can, my main focus is on eating right for now and building up endurance, so long walks are key for me at this point. Anyways, on to the good stuff.

I lost 2.5 pounds last week!! I'm so very proud of myself. Right after Risto was born I lost 20 pounds but I've been stuck at 185 for 2.5 months so when I stepped on my newly purchased digital scale and say 182.5, I was beyond thrilled. I'm setting realistic goals for myself and I'm meeting them and that's something I'm proud of. Healthier living is not just for me, but so I'm around a long time to enjoy the wonderful guys God has put in my life.

I have a lot to look forward to already, and PS, my belly is looking smaller! Even Trevor noticed, and he wasn't faking either :)

Back to Normal

This morning I had one of the best feelings, as a wife, that I've had in quite a while. Went to make a big yummy breakfast and had to hand wash most of my pans/cooking/baking utensils. It was an amazing feeling. Here I am, entertaining my son on the floor, loading a dishwasher then hand washing some things then chopping, stirring, baking and seasoning... all while chatting with my froggy monster (who was happily playing on his floor mat). As far as household tasks are concerned, I'm feeling like my old self.

I haven't had time to write because I've been busy getting back into my new normal. Cooking, cleaning, laundry and now baby. I know this is mega repetitive, but I FEEL GREAT! My home is clean, I have 3 different kind of left overs in the fridge (which means I get a break from making at least one meal today).

The other thing taking up my writing time? My new found love for healthy recipes! I just recently discovered that applesauce can replace veggie oil in recipes and my new bff, flax, can be put literally in anything. I'm already planning Risto's first birthday party (crazy, right.. it's like 8 months away) and I'm very excited to find someone capable of making a whole wheat chocolate cake, complete with applesauce instead of oil and flax in replace of eggs! Theme is in the works, location is TBD and I have a feeling my 5 year wedding anniversary may be taking a financial back seat to this party. Again, I know it's crazy, but I just love this guy that much.

In the meantime (that time BEFORE he turns 1), I'm planning a Dedication Party for my sweet little man. With 3 weeks left, I need to get on it! With the pile of laundry staring me in the face and the fact that I have someplace to be in an hour and a half, I should probably stop pretending I have so much free time (praise the Lord for baby naps!) and do something to myself (definitely still in jammies). Be blessed everyone :)

Dieting While Nursing Is A Joke

Seriously. I was really outside of my own mind when I decided to diet while nursing. It's damn near impossible! I find myself craving sweet treats ALL through the day and portion control is bonkers. If I don't eat enough I wake up at 3 am starving and I end up heading straight for Carb City, USA, exact location; my kitchen. I came up with a solution to fix this problem, that works on the days when I'm not slacking and thought I'd share.

Breakfast

- Honey Bunches of Oats w/ Almonds - sometimes I'll toss in sliced banana or fresh organic blueberries and I always use Rice Milk since Risto doesn't handle dairy/cheese very well. Plus Rice Milk is amazing

Snack
- Craisins or Trail Mix
- Light popcorn
- Cut up veggies

Any variation of this, sometimes all 3! The good news is, not one of them is horrible for you. If I'm doing cut up veggies I love to dip them in hummus.

Lunch - I eat 1 of 2 things daily

- chicken salad with veggies and a light balsamic drizzle
- turkey salad with craisins and apple and a rasberry vinegrate drizzle

I always go for nitrate free meats. Not only are they bad for boys while nursing, they're just bad in general. No one should eat anything with nitrates in it. Period.

Snack -
- Fiber One Oats and Chocolate Bar - My chocolatey fix for the day! Plus, keeps me regular ;)

Dinner-

Now this is where I go crazy! If I stick to my healthy diet during the day, I allow myself to eat to my hearts delight in the evenings. Trevor and I eat fairly healthy anyways, so it's never to big of a stretch, but I allow myself that extra serving and don't mind having dessert.

Dieting while nursing is a joke, but it doesn't have to be impossible! I think of it a few different ways. If I eat healthier, Risto is getting even better nutrients and that's a HUGE motivation for me. And I've also become very aware of the fact that God didn't create the unhealthy, genetically modified garbage we can find so easily in a grocery store. Man created that junk. God want's me to care for the body He gave me while I'm on this earth, and I intend to do my best to make Him proud.

Living a healthier lifestyle for me goes beyond the physical. It goes beyond me wanting to feel better about myself or be beautiful for my husband. It's about me being a good steward of my body. I only have and I'm pretty sure God wants me to take great care of it.

Hopefully you other nursing Mama's or even Mama's just trying to get in better shape/healthier habits find some part of this useful or helpful, and by all means, if you have any tips or tricks... SHARE THEM!

Lent

Lent. Last year I gave up facebook. This year I had planned on giving up red meat until I talked with my dad. He just expressed his thoughts on Lent and what sacrifices should truly be made. He told me that Jesus did on the cross so we could live a life of abundance and nothing we give up for 40 days will compare to what Jesus sacrificed on the cross. Never thought of that before. It's pretty true. What did me giving up facebook really do? And what was me giving up red meat gonna do?? Uh, how's about a whole bucket full of nothing. Seriously? I gave up social networking. How is that glorifying to God's kingdom? It isn't.

My dad suggested a bunch of different things I COULD do that would bring glory to God and His kingdom, while at the same time pushing me to sacrifice more of my time. If you know what's going on in my life right now, you'd know I really don't have the time to squeeze in a shower, let alone giving up the few spare minutes I have in a day (don't worry, I don't stink. I've discovered 7 am, ugh).

I've got a few things in mind. For starters, I joined the campaign 40 Days of Water - http://40days.bloodwatermission.com/
Check it out, it's a great cause. Anyways, I'm doing a couple other things. Mostly "surprises" including 1 I'm pretty pumped about. Gonna sign up to feed the homeless with our church, which will be hard because I have to bring Risto. Also it might be a bit dangerous. I have to call tomorrow and chat with them about it, but I REALLY want to go help out. Can't leave Drool King because he's nursing.

Any who. Really think about the things you're sacrificing. Are they really sacrifices?

Spanx and Poop

Oh, Spanx. What was my life before I knew you?? You've come into my life at a time when my body is less then perfect and you've helped suck my fat rolls into jeans that don't have an expandable waist band. And just when I thought this relationship couldn't get any better, you protected my legs from the gift of a massive blow out during a church service from my darling son. You selflessly sacrificed yourself to make my ride home just a tad bit more bearable, and I thank you for it.


Seriously... my son had the WORST blow out during church today. I sort of thought he was getting sick again while I got him dressed, but wasn't expecting to have to leave church early! And oh man the looks you get walking through church with poop literally all over you and your child! Once Trevor and I got into the hallway, I BUSTED a gut! It was a pretty funny site, especially since I was holding him away from my body (in an effort to keep from getting anymore poop on me). There was no keeping that a secret.



So, tomorrow is my kick off of getting in shape. So as much as I love my Spanx, I'm hoping I can tuck them neatly in a drawer until after my next pregnancy. Cheers to 40 in 4!

40 in 4

Well, I don't quite know how these photos ended up in this order, but I'll explain.
The first shot was taking when I was about 10 weeks along. The third is exactly 7 days before Risto was born (and 1 day after he was due). The one smack dab in the middle... why that, my friends is what the average woman's post pregnancy belly looks like. If you are one of the "lucky" ones, please advert your eyes to the following. You have been warned.


What is up with those freak of nature chicks who never outgrow their favorite pair of size 4 Hudson jeans? You know the girl. The one you see sprawled out on the beach at 9 months without a stretch mark in sight. Freaks. Of. Nature. I honestly thought I'd be one of those women and was pretty discouraged when it turns out I wasn't. It's hard to go from a size 8 to a 14 (which is what I'm in now).

The reason I posted the shot of what my belly looks like (literally) today, is to encourage those women who's bodies aren't "perfect" anymore. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! We should start a club; I Am Mama; Hear Me ROAR!! This is what real women look like after having babies. Oh, ps... women who look flawless still after delivery, I'm only jealous and you are real women too. You better be thanking God for the elastisity (I know that's spelled wrong) of your skin! Anyways, on with the show.

40 in 4 is my campaign in losing my baby weight. Now I know you're probably thinking "hey I thought you were empowering women to feel comfortable as they are, stretch marks, saggy skin and all!" Well I am, but I really and truly believe that we, as women, should do what we need to do in order to feel sexy and confident again. For me, rebuilding my confidence involves me losing me saggy belly. I could really care less about my stretch marks, that's just my mark of Motherhood, and there is NOTHING wrong with stretch marks ladies! They make you more beautiful. They let the world know, during swimsuit season, that you did it! You carried a child for 9 months and pushed that little blessing out. You endured morning sickness, rapid weight gain and a level 4 tear. We're warriors.

40 represents the amount of weight I plan on losing.
4 represents the months I'm taking to do it.

Ambitious, right? I know! I'm intimidated but so excited to begin this process of just plain old living healthier. Even if I don't meet my end of July goal, becoming a more healthy person for my son and husband will be enough for me. I'm ready baby weight. Kiss yourself goodbye

Struggles and Solutions

Yesterday I mentioned a situation I can't go into detail about just yet. Well I still can't go into detail, but the difference between last night and today is an overwhelming peace. There's nothing greater then knowing (or in my case being reassured) of just how faithful God is.

Yesterday I was pretty upset. Aside from having a 3 month old baby I'm also helping care for my mom who recently had a pretty major surgery. I've had to take on a lot of responsibilities including finding my roll as not just a new mom, but a wife. This season of life is different from any other season I've experienced. I opened up to my husband (Trevor, for those of you who may have forgotten who I married) about how I was feeling like I wasn't giving my best to him or to Risto. I told him that it was especially hard for me to know that Risto isn't getting my best. They were both getting tired, frumpy left overs.

I've always pictured myself as a wife of the 50's vacuuming in my favorite pearls... cooking gourmet meals. The wife you see in old school movies. It's the wife I've always aspired to be. What they don't show you on tv is real life situations. Most women don't have time to be June Cleaver. I realize now that I was really getting down on myself for expectations that were, quite frankly, VERY unrealistic. Having those expectations put me into this melting pot or anxiety, stress, sleepless nights and worst of all, insecurities.

Those are my struggles, here's my solution.

God.

Plain and simple He is my solution. I fell asleep praying last night, giving God my cares and concerns and asking Him to change my heart. I really wasn't prepared for just how refreshed I woke up feeling today. I feel like I can tackle the world, in a realistic sense. God showed me that I'm only one person and if my best today only involves me cleaning my kitchen, then hey... that's good enough.

I have such a better attitude and perspective on my responsibilities. They seem less like daunting chores and more like.. I don't know.. freedom. Free because I'm no longer a victim of the stronghold that is expectations. Free because I really am learning to take each task at hand as an opportunity to better serve my Creator by better serving His people, and that is a very freeing experience.

Alright, enough of that.
I'm very determined to write about a particular topic that would require me to post a certain picture that I'm still trying to gain the confidence to do. This is me keeping myself accountable. Tomorrow, the world will see what an average woman's belly looks like after gaining 60 pounds in a pregnancy. Yikes. I'll explain more tomorrow. Look forward to it, it's gonna be a good one!

I had full on intentions today to write about my new workout regime, but life sometimes throws you curve balls.

Curve Ball 1 - Today was a bright, sunny and relatively warm day for the good old PNW. My day of errands was quickly detoured once I stepped outside and caught some of that sunny fresh air. Who needs groceries when you can walk the streets of Portland for a half hour? I guess I can consider that my workout since I was pushing a stroller and carrying a pair of shoes (returned, not purchased). And I did do a double take and stopped in at my neighbor Target (mothers paradise) for some essentials. BTW - why the world is Mederma $40-. Who knew wanting to feel good about yourself was so spendy!

Curve Ball 2 - This one's a bit more serious.. and I actually can't discuss it until all the right people know what's going on. Sorry, but I'll update on that one later.

Curve Ball 2 is what threw my day into a tail spin. After the news I received, I was almost promptly greeted by my darling son Risto who proceeded to scream for a solid 45 minutes. Under normal circumstances, I would have handled it with ease, crying babies don't really bother me, but his tears quickly became blended into my own. He fell asleep, I cried even longer. Again, I can't really discuss, but I'll go into detail later.

All of my "diet starts today" plans went out the window and I made the hubs and myself orange chicken, veggie rolls and (white, not brown. such a rebel) rice. There's also a very good chance that my favorite oatmeal cookies are sitting on the counter (if you like Craisins, check out the recipe on the back of the bag. to die for, I add coconut).

After a good talk and a good cry, I'm ready to tackle the new responsibilities of my life. Doing all of these things , keeping up my household, caring for another household and navigating life as a new mom, is very daunting. It's something I've never experienced and it's definitely more overwhelming then exciting.

My normal is definitely changing for a season, but don't worry. I'm still an average Joe(sephine)

An Intro

I'm not one of those women who can cook, sew and design all while running a 5k in 3 inch stilettos. Did I mention these women are also flawlessly put together and smell like Heaven? Well they are and they do.

This isn't a complaint. More of a realization that no matter how hard I try to fit in these molds, I just don't fit. There's nothing wrong with that. I absolutely love my life. My plain ole normal everyday run of the mill life. It's nothing special, but maybe that normalcy is what's going to make this process interesting.

Oh I guess I should mention that this blog is going to track all of my failed attempts at becoming what I'll call a 7 strike woman (note the laundry list of perfection pre-mentioned). I'll be showing you an inside look of my failed meals, half started and never finished sewing projects and my hopefully successful journey to lose my baby weight (yikes).

If I have 1 hope for this exposure of myself, it's that women who aren't 7 strikers will realize it's okay. After all, someone's gotta stay under the radar of life.

It's well after midnight and my darling froggy monster will be up in 6 hours to greet me with curious eyes and a 30 minute play time (after a 15 minute nursing session). Please excuse this blog. It's a work in progress. Actually, consider this to be one of my half started never finished projects.. the design element that is.