I'll Take Some Jesus With My Coffee Please!

I feel like I've been learning a lot about myself lately and the type of person I want to be. It seems like every time I go through a "trying" situation, I discover myself more. Having PPD has really forced me to explore my emotions and my thoughts. I've been forced to take a deeper look at who I am and who I want to be. The answer is the same as it's always been and always will be, only this time I'm taking more proactive steps to become who I'm meant to be.

I want to be more like Jesus.

In my actions, in the way I speak (or don't speak), in my heart... I want to be more like Jesus. When I look back at my life the past 3 months, I don't think I've been very Christ-like. I also haven't been completely "worldly" either, I just haven't been the reflection of my Savior like I should be, like I desire to be.

Life with a new baby is such a hard thing to navigate. There are so many aspects to raising a child, nurturing a marriage and being a typhoon of emotions. I never meant to put God on the back burner, but that's where He is and I need to change that. Risto wakes at 7-730 every morning. We eat breakfast together at 8 and it's nap time around 830. That hour long window of freedom is now dedicated to the Lord. Be it through prayer, listening to worship music, reflecting or reading my bible, I choose to spend it with my King.

Being a proper reflection of Jesus is so important. Our family can not thrive if Christ is not at the center where He belongs. If we want Risto to choose Christ for himself, we have to be the example that sets a positive influence now. For the goodness of my soul and my families, I'm taking my coffee with a little bit of Jesus

Oh Sweet Summer Sun

I haven't been posting much lately. Probably because I don't have much worth writing about. Life is just as ordinary as it's always been. I'm hoping to change that now that summertime has finally decided to grace the beautiful PNW with it's presence! I'm taking my sweet froggy monster on more mommy and me adventures. He's decided he hates naps, so I may as well make the best of it with outings, right? Here's a few of my favorite pictures from the past 2 days. Enjoy them and soak in the adorable vision that is my son.

Empowerment

So there's a huge "drama" happening in the breast feeding world surrounded by a mother who was quite inappropriately and illegally harassed on a public bus for doing what her body was made to do. Feed her baby. It's stuff like this that not only makes my blood boil, but it also puts a fear in me. Fear of being ostracized for my personal decision to breast feed my son.

I've said it before that I hate being made to feel like a leper for doing what comes natural to me. I've been told my various people that I should be more modest, I've been asked to go "do that" in my car and plenty of other things. It makes me feel insecure about doing whats best for my son. Formula feeding mothers aren't made to cover up, why should I?

Originally my desire to cover up stemmed from wanting to protect others, not wanting to offend anyone. The more I think about it, the more I find that there is nothing offensive about what I'm doing. Human milk comes from the same body part as cow milk. A teat. No one runs in fear of a baby calf suckling on their mothers nips, why are mine so offensive?

Someone said something on my birth board that I loved. Her arguments for nursing freely were very well written. I hope she doesn't mind, but I'm quoting her here.

"I can't help it that other people are uncomfortable with a nursing mother. I can't cater to the world, unfortunately. Instead, I have to make decisions based on what works for me and my family. My children absolutely come before some stranger's discomfort with breastfeeding....And please, people need to stop using the excuse that they're uncomfortable seeing an exposed breast. That's absolutely untrue. People are uncomfortable with what the breast is being used for. I highly doubt those same people avoid going to the beach or watching R-rated movies. Maybe some do, but the vast majority don't. Just call it as it is: you don't like the IDEA of a child sucking on its mother's breast. That's what makes you uncomfortable. I show WAY less skin while nursing than the average woman just walking down the street in clothing accepted by our society."

I could not possible agree with her statements more. I hate using a cover and especially now that summer time is rolling around, people will have to get used to the idea of me nursing freely. I'm not going to suffocate my son under a hot stuffy cover for the "comfort" of others. His comfort comes first and quite frankly, I wouldn't eat under a blacked out blanket, so why should he? Of course I'll still cover up around my dad and brother (especially around my poor brother) but anyone else will just have to turn away. No I will not feed my son in the bathroom. Do you eat your food in the can? Didn't think so. Feed him in my car? You go eat in your car if you find it so comfortable to do so. Cover up? NO! I'm feeling empowered and I'm not going to let anyone slow me down

6 Months Down

I've always aspired to be an amazing wife and mother. While my siblings were making life plans and dreaming about what they could do for themselves, I was waiting for the day I could stay home, cook, clean and love my family. I'm 6 months into life as a new mom and realizing my dream is a little different when it's real life.

I love my little man and I love his father too, but it's harder then I expected. I just knew my home would be spotless, dinners would be 5 star and Risto and I would be dressed to the 9's (me in pearls and a dress of course) when Trevor burst through the door with a "Honey, I'm home!". Oh 50's television, how you've let me down.

**NEWS FLASH**

That isn't real life! Real life is clothes covered in spit up and Mum Mum crackers. Real life is telling your spouse that tonight's a 'fend for yourself' kinda night. Real life is late nights and early mornings, days without a shower and only doing laundry to find that shirt you've been missing for over a week.

Of course I wish things were cleaner and more organized, but the reality is my 50's inspired dream didn't come in the form of a cute 1 story house with a white picket fence. It came in a 1 bedroom apartment and very little space. I also wish I didn't have PPD/PPA, but I have those too and I'm doing my best to work through them. A huge realization (and major step forward as far as PPD is concerned) is a simple reminder I've been giving myself daily.

I asked for this.

This messy little apartment, the grubby little hands that tug on my legs all day and a husband that comes home to it all happy as a clam (can you believe it?). I wanted this. And I couldn't be happier. Sleepless nights are forcing me to start asking for help, something I've always had a hard time with. PPD is making me feel out of control and forcing me to let go. Risto has shown me how to slow down and enjoy simple things. The kitchen can wait when your child all of a sudden decides blowing raspberries is the best thing ever. Laundry? Sorry, but now he's learning to scoot and chasing him around is more fun anyhow! Showers?? Well, I do miss those, but you get the idea. I'm finding myself growing up in this process of Motherhood and I'm happy to have this crazy little life that only belongs to me.

Ergo, Baby Legs and Cleansers! OH MY!!!

Alright folks, it's that time again. That's right! Time for me to post about the things I love! This week, I'm really excited to share a few brand new discoveries with you.

First up ~ Baby Legs by Chloe Belle's Boutique.
I am obsessed with these Baby Legs!! They fit Risto's legs very well and don't leave the same angry red indent that other brands leave behind. Plus they're freaking cute and the creator of CBB is a sweet heart and her daughter is beautiful! Support her by clicking on that link and purchasing some goods! Her prices are great, btw ;)

Next up ~ What Ever by Better Life.
Best. Cleaner. Ever. It's natural and totally safe and requires no rinsing! I was able to clean our bathtub without having to worry about harsh chemicals choking up our air or leaving a residue on our surfaces. So safe, you can spray it directly into a baby's mouth!(that is totally not true btw, but you get the point).

And finally ~ Ergo Baby Carrier
I've been shopping around for baby carriers for a solid 3 months trying to find what would work best for my family and our needs. I had settled on a Baby Hawk (still a great product, btw) but never got around to actually ordering one. I went to my favorite store Cotton Babies and tried one on. Risto loved it, I loved it and even Trevor has agreed to "wear" Risto (on his back, but hey, I'll take it!). It's super comfortable, easy to use and you can get TONS of accessories to go with it. I nursed Risto in it today while shopping at the mall and it was way easier then I would have thought, plus I was still able to use 2 hands to shop. Awesome. Get one.

A Discovery Of Sorts

I do not excel at anything

Some of you may be thinking, yeah right.. everyone has something they're superb at. Every one has something to share with the world. I really don't. I'm not fishing for compliments or anything, it's just I never really realized how underwhelming I am as a person until I've witnessed what others are capable of. Be it smarts, fashion, cooking or baking... managing bills or time, organization.. they are capable of not only doing those things, but doing them exceedingly well.

I really am not good at anything

I've gone nearly 25 years being generally mediocre at life, so this truly isn't anything new, it's just that I'm seeing it through fresh eyes. In an attempt to find something, nay ANYTHING, I could be good at, I'm challenging myself. I'll take classes, read books or just do good old fashion trial and error, but I am determined to find something that I can do and do well. So one day I can stand in a crowd and know that there really is something special or interesting about me. A reason to get to know me better.

Let's see.. I'm a decent singer, I can hold my own in the kitchen but nothing to spectacular because I'm impatient, I know how to cruise on a long board. Those are the 3 things that stand out in my mind, so I suppose I'll start there. Maybe I'll try my hand at a fancy meal or re-train my vocals to start singing again. Buying a long board would just be fun, so I may do that anyways, despite the fact that this venture is more about me discovering my hidden talents and charm.

to be continued readers. to be continued

Walk For Life

Sponsor Me!!<--click here

I'm doing a Walk For Life Benefit for Options 360 - A pregnancy research center. If you're reading this, take time to check out my wall and consider donating. Here is some personal testimony for you from someone with experience volunteering with Options 360!

"I volunteered as a Client Advocate (met & talked with the girls/women who came in for a pregnancy test & helped them with the decisions they had to make.) They are definitely focused on saving li...ves & supporting women in scary & stressful situations. They also offer FREE pregnancy tests, ultrasounds & education classes for new mama's. Their Orchards office is actually right next door to Planned Parenthood (they share a wall)...lots of women who are going to PP see the "FREE Pregnancy Test" hanging in the Options 360 window, so they go to Options 360 instead & (very often) they decide to have their baby that they were just planning on aborting...I could go on and on...;))) But yes...it's an organization worth supporting!!!! :) :)" - Brooke Salmi

If something like this isn't your cup of tea, check out my previous post about donating to an orphanage in Ethiopia!